A Funny Email Marketing Message to Die For!

by | Apr 16, 2021 | Email Marketing | 2 comments

Rule number one of improving your email marketing is knowing your target audience. That’s why FAANG (Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, and Google) spend billions to gather everyone’s data and earn billions from ad revenues with that data.

So when a friend from my hometown who has a very “specific” type of business posted about an offer he got from a major online marketing company, I laughed to the point that I could’ve become his next “customer”.

In his own words:

I got the absolute ultimate “I don’t think you know who you are talking to” moment today. I got a soliciting email encouraging us to advertise with an online company…actually, a quite famous one. “Submit your company name today by joining “XXXXXXXX” and bringing in new clients who are ready to get back out and do business with you.”

Which is fine, but really? People are out there just waiting to do business with me? And the company that e-mailed??? Groupon. Seriously, Groupon. You sent a solicitation to a MORTUARY to encourage them to offer a GROUPON discount to the community. I mean, I’m tempted, but if it actually works, and increases my business? I think the local constabulary will want to have a bit of a chat at their office…..

Jeffrey B. Mosdell, Mosdell Mortuary

Email Marketing for Mortuaries
Photo by Sharon Lawson on Unsplash

However, Costco does sell wholesale caskets. If you’re into that sort of bulk preparation for the zombie apocalypse, be sure to tie the shoelaces together of the bite victims. If they turn, and they’re not smart zombies or fast zombies, you’ll at least have some kind of head start.

Before you “undertake” (sorry, not sorry) your next campaign, here’s some free email marketing advice: Take a minute to figure out what “customer segmentation” means. Then, segment your customers into groups based on the types of offers they would like to get. And don’t think you must send your offer to every segment. Some segments are simply better off not getting your message. Or at least have a little more care and attention applied to the message you do send.

You can’t tailor every message to every customer every time. That’s time and cost prohibitive, especially for Groupon-sized lists. But do some research and figure out which tools will maximize your ability to be a tad more surgical in your email marketing.

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Rob Watson is the CEO of Webidextrous, a web consultant, and a developer. Beginning in 1996 as a self-taught web designer, he has created websites for everyone from small business owners to multi-national companies. He is the co-organizer of the West Orlando WordPress Meetup and a WordCamp speaker.


  1. Jeff mosdell

    I love it! Keep up your good work, rob. As the mortuary subject here, I approve this message.

  2. KB

    This is hilarious. Brad Paisley, the country singer, ripped on Delta when they wanted to use his song “Wish You Were Here” on their music channel and as a promo song.

    Why? The song is about a plane crash with no survivors.

    Oooooops……..someone didn’t do their homework…. 🙂


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